When the overly chatty rector starts undressing, it's time to go home

This morning I decided, on a whim, to attend the 10 a.m. "Holy Communion" Service at a nearby Episcopalian church.

Disclaimer: I'm not now, nor have I ever been, an Episcopalian. As the title of the blog should have told you by now, I'm a Catholic. Byzantine Catholic, to be exact.*

But being a C.S. Lewis fan(atic), I have a soft spot for Anglicans. And since there wasn't a Divine Liturgy at our church this morning, and I was in the mood for a good liturgy, and had noticed this particular Episcopalian church's schedule while driving by on the way to and from 24-Hour Fitness, I decided - today was the day!

CLUE #1 that this was the wrong decision: I pulled into the parking lot just behind a sweet, elderly, white-haired lady, who walked in through a locked gate - and pulled it tightly shut behind her, just before I made it through. And kept walking, without so much as a "Sorry, we have to keep it locked if we don't know you." Which I would have understood. But silence? Hmmm.

CLUE #2: I walked around the block and found another entrance into the church, and sat in a pew towards the rear. It was ten minutes before 10:00 a.m.

And no one else was there. EXCEPT a man standing at the altar, noisily thumping books, fiddling with the tabernacle door, and chatting on a cell phone, all at the same time. Admirable! However, I was there to pray, so I did my best.

But alas, it was not to be, because:

CLUE #3: Said chatty gentleman suddenly started walking down the aisle towards me, talking to me while frocking himself in semi-priestly garb. "Sorry, we're only having Morning Prayer today, because Father's still out at the ranch," he shared with me. Embarrassed, I muttered something to the effect that, since I'd never been there before, I wouldn't really know the difference.

"What?" he shouted, over the buzzing sound of a voice inside his cell phone.

"Um, I said, 'That's OK!'" I shouted back.

He nodded and walked out, still struggling with his clothing and yakking to the unseen voice (distinctly female, so probably not God, although on the other hand, this WAS an Episcopalian church so who knows?).

Anyway, at that point I suddenly realized that this service, if it ever got underway, was going to consist solely of myself and Chatty Cathy, and decided this was probably NOT the best place for me to commune silently with the Lord.

So I left, waving halfheartedly to C.C., who was standing outside the door, sucking on a cigarette and still only partially clad.

Then I drove as fast as my little Toyota would carry me to 24-Hour Fitness, where I communed with the Almighty via the rowing machine.

If any Episcopalians are reading this ... um ... was this Rite One or Rite Two?


*Technically speaking, Roman Catholic married to Byzantine Catholic. But it's all good.

Oh, the Pain!

For anyone (other than my faithful hubby) who may be reading this, and may care, I just got stung by a bee.

On my toe. The one just to the right of my big toe, on my right foot.

"How did it happen, Ma'am?"

Well, I was walking barefoot in the grass (alas!) in our front yard, reaching up for a nice, juicy mulberry (they've just started to ripen, yum yum!!), when my foot happened to trespass on a patch of purple clover currently being occupied by Aunt Bee, who made her displeasure known.



So watch your step today, friends, somewhere out there, there's a bee with YOUR name on it!

I'm ba-a-a-ck!!

OK, I have a confession to make. (I am Catholic, after all.)

After my last post here, I started a new "anonymous" blog, here.

As the title said, no one WAS reading it. I needed that for a while, because I had been feeling the need to get some things off my chest (42DD, last time I checked, thank you very much) without anyone reading them.

And let's face it - if you really want to say something online, and have absolutely NOBODY know you're saying it, the absolute best place to do it is in a brand new blog! Am I right? High five!

I'm not going to discontinue the other blog, because I really like the way it looks. Hey, no offense, Blogger, but WordPress is just, well, classier looking. There, I said it! Sorry!

But hey, classy isn't everything, right? If it was, Paris Hilton wouldn't be a celebrity! So here I am, your own 200-pound Paris Hilton, ready to take up the pen (metaphorically speaking) and rock your bloggin' world!

Or something.

Blog ends! (or ... does it? Um ... yeah, prolly!)

I know, I know - it's always sad when something ends, isn't it?

When "Gone With the Wind" ended, you cried, right? Admit it.

When Dorothy said, "There's no place like home!", you bawled like a baby, didn't you? Didn't you? (Hey, don't lie to me - I can see you, y'know!)

So anyway, for those of you who've faithfully followed this blog, "The Curvy Catholic", all the way from its beginning (all, erm, two? of you), I'm sorry to tell you that this is THE END of this blog.

Waaahhh!!

OK, here's the reason: and I'm being brutally honest and frank right now: I'm BORED with it.

(Whew!) There - I said it!

Yes, the enthusiasm for losing weight via Curves for Women and Weight Watchers has waned, somewhat. Plus I'm not really that enthusiastic on the Catholic front anymore either.

Oh, I still attend church with my hubby, and I do my best not to ruffle anyone's feathers with my semi-heretical viewpoints.

And I do love the people at our church, who are the MAIN reason I continue going, and trying.

And I definitely am NOT giving up on being fit, and exercising. I continue to love and enjoy my two-year non-refundable membership at 24 Hour Fitness, which I bought for myself last year shortly before losing my job ... a gift from my employed self to my unemployed self.

That was probably the smartest move I've ever made in all my bumbling efforts to lose weight and find inner peace.

Because guess what? I LOVE to lift weights, do resistance training, etc.! It's fun and I love the way my muscles feel after I've really gone to town on those dumbbells (and not just the ones at the front desk - nyuk nyuk!).

And in between workout days at the gym, I'm going on walks. Long walks, out in the "cheap showiness of nature". There are a lot of really nice parks and malls and gardens and nature trails out here in Southern Cal, and I'm (re)discovering quite a few of them.

In addition to all that moving around, I'm going back to school - having enrolled in several classes at Grand Canyon University (online). Not the best college in the world (my long-suffering hubby has heard me griping about them more than once), but hey, it's a start.

And - beats workin'! (Nyuk nyuk!) Yeah ... there's that, too. I'm now officially unemployed - downsized from my lofty post as Word Processing Operator at PricewaterhouseCoopers in downtown L.A. since December 11, 2009. I was sure that I'd have a whole lot of free time after that, and be able to spend more time online, writing The Blog to End All Blogs.

However, what's really happened is I've been AVOIDING this blog. My life has changed dramatically, and I'm just not really sure that "losing weight" is my primary goal anymore.

So to make a long post even longer, this is probably IT for my incarnation as "The Curvy Catholic". And again ... waahhhh ...

Yet it may not be my last incarnation. (After all - THIS one wasn't.) I do still have dreams, vague at the moment but ready to take shape in some amorphous future still waiting to happen, of writing The Blog to End All Blogs.

The Blog to make all other bloggers fall down in shame before me.

The Blog that will change the world!!!

Ummm ... yeah, right. Actually, I'd just be happy with a blog more than two people read on a regular basis!

So I'll be thinking about that. And I'll be thinking of you, Faithful Reader(s). And thank you for your support. And if you've read this far, my deepest sympathies!!

And by the way - just one more thing - for anyone who cares - my last weigh-in at Weight Watchers was 195.0.

And I think I'm happy with that. I think I can go on with that.

Goodbye Weight Watchers (or, how the Curvy Catholic killed yet ANOTHER small business!)

Hmm, well, apparently I am death to certain types of small businesses.

First I killed off Downtown Curves at Bunker Hill.

Then it was It Figures in Sherman Oaks.

Now, as of Saturday morning, approximately 7:30 a.m., I managed to kill off the Saturday 7 A.M. Weight Watchers meeting (in the same strip mall as the late and lamented It Figures).

Let's hope whoever's pulling all these strings doesn't notice that I've fallen head over heels in love with a certain location of 24-Hour Fitness!!

Happy New Year! (or What do you mean, I haven't posted for a long time? Define "time"!)

Hi everyone!

Well, it's only been, what, a month and a half since my last post? Less than that, really. What can I say, it's just been a busy time for me.

And yes (sigh) if you're going to drag it out of me, I did get a little discouraged there, for a while. Because my weight just kept creeping up and up and up and UP and I couldn't seem to get the little needle on the scale to bounce in the opposite direction.

But here I am, happy to report that, although I was, indeed, all the way up to ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE POUNDS last Saturday, I treated that like the wake-up call it was, and took the following actions:

1. Bought a two-year nonrenewable 24 Hour Fitness membership through Costco for $299.

2. Used it.

3. Also went for a couple of long walks around Lake Balboa (in the Sepulveda Basin).

And thanks to those, and my decision to get back on track and start losing again, I am proud to report that at this past Saturday's weigh-in, I did indeed FINALLY make the needle move in the right way. Left, that is. I mean, depending on your viewpoint. I mean, there really isn't even a needle, it's a digital scale and --

What?

Oh yeah, my weight. Down 1.8 pounds, to 193.2. Happy now?

At what point does a "plateau" become "your normal weight"?

Sorry I haven't updated the blog for a while, but you know the whole point of this blog was to track my weight loss progress - and for the past three weeks, my weight has been exactly the same: 185.4

Not that I'm complaining! Better to stay constant than to fluctuate or (God help us all) to rise uncontrollably - right?

But to be honest, I've also been spending more time on Facebook and other online networking sites. It's SO hard to keep track of all one's online multiple persona - ain't it?

Anyway, I'll try to do better.

And in a couple of weeks, I won't be able to say I don't have the time. Since my Termination Date (isn't that a nice way to phrase it?) from PwC is FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2009. And after that - it's ME time, bebe!!